Everyone Needs a Summer Sack, Stat

Don’t call it a muumuu. It’s a Summer Sack and you’re going to be begging for one come August

I twirled around the dressing room, admiring the way the amorphous, non-existent tailoring skimmed my body like forgiving tablecloth.

I was still moony when the Summer Sacks were rung up. As I handed over my credit card for the hefty bill, I didn’t bat an eye. These were worthwhile investment pieces, I reasoned. Sensible, timeless sacks that would carry me through the entire summer. Hell, I could even layer them with a turtleneck if I wanted to sail their gauzy folds into the autumn sunset. Back on the sidewalk, I gave the window mannequins a conspiratorial wink and lurched towards the subway, my bags heavy with bag dresses.

Wearing them is akin to straddling a Dyson Airblade.

Secondly, Summer Sacks are the perfect BBQ or picnic attire. Typically, if I go in for seconds on food, my waistband morphs into a rock polisher, buffing my distended belly button into a semi-precious gemstone. But not when I’m wearing a sack. Sacks hide all manner of gluttony, allowing you to freely partake in a grilled meat bacchanalia. Best of all, if an impromptu potato sack race breaks out, you are totally prepared. Simply pull the hem over your feet, tie a knot and you’re ready to hop to it.

I step across the threshold of a deli and immediately stand a little straighter, bracing myself for the nonexistent paparazzi waiting for me inside.

Another significant point to note is that while wearing Summer Sacks, there’s a chance you might get asked if you are pregnant. It’s not an issue of the material clinging to your food baby (we already went over this.) Rather, some misinformed people might mistake it for maternity wear. I don’t know if it’s a benefit, per se. I guess it’s how you play it. If someone is being extra nice to you because they think you’re with child, yes. Or, if you’re planning on repurposing the sack when you are expecting, absolutely.

Essayist. Storyteller for brands. Ride or die Brooklynite. addiestuber.com

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